It wasn't Only me Who You Raped

It wasn’t only me who you raped.

It was your mother’s caring touch that you exterminated,
Its was her drape of aristocracy that you tore apart,
It was her womb that you have blemished forever,
It was your mother’s cry for death.

It wasn’t only me who you raped.

You raped your sister walking on the road.
You ripped the smile that made your world complete.
You profaned her heart of sanity,
You breached your rakhi vows.

It wasn’t only me who you raped.

You raped your father’s trust, and his standing as a man,
You slit his dreams of rubbing his shoulders with you,
You made him question the steps he taught you,
You are a son, whom he will never want.

It wasn’t only me who you raped.

You raped your friends of innocence,
You razed their trusts to ground,
You are a memory that will never be spoken of,
You are a wretch that will never be pardoned.

It wasn’t only me who you raped.

You played with my body,
But you annihilated your soul forever,
I will begin a life, for I am not at fault,
But as lonely as you are,
You never find solace anywhere.

You are a father, to whom no child will ever want to be born,
You are a man whose wife would never be safe,
You will be a son, that no mother will call her own,
Your sister may never trust you with her honor.


You are God’s shame, And you thought I lost it all,
It may be one night for me,
But it hover over you for entire life,
You are dead, yet alive,

Coz it just wasn’t only me who you raped.

FORGIVENESS - How TRUE Is The IMPLICATION??

Forgiveness.

I have never really understood the sense of the word in the way it is generally used, or what it implies to. I have read many quotes, been told numerous times that forgiving and forgetting are the two pillars that will make your life a peaceful journey, along something that implies rendering a wishful, sane life. Maybe that holds true, in connection with great people who have arrived on such equations. I do not challenge the theory behind these, however, neither do I hold them true.

Honestly, I don’t really think that I am a very forgiving person by nature, neither do I have the conception that someone else is. I have never really forgotten someone who has hurt me or the way I have hurt others (that is the thing – u always know when you are hurting someone, though you may never acknowledge it) , by words or by actions; yes, the memories have faded and there are layers of my own self covering them. Some scars, some tears, and some wounds simply remain unhealed, paining somewhere continuously, which one may realize only when one wishes to, but one also dives down to these unseen places if any situation/person presents a close replication of something that remains intact in your memory as a not so pleasant situation. There are people around me with whom I have had hurtful relationships, with me crying more than often and much more than required. I laugh, play, share, and love them dearly, for they have also been the ones to steer me in the roughest weathers of my life.. Yet, the fact remains, that I have never really forgiven any of them; there are some whom I snapped out with, while some drifted away themselves. And the few that are still there, the present connection presents a beautiful meaning only if the past is not mentioned. Maybe I belong to a lowly class of humans, yet I find it hard to trust again, to bind again, and if in the sense of the word I work up an association again, I am more likely to jump to the preceding hurtful incidents as and when I may feel I am being poked unruly again.

I don’t know how many of us really move on, forgiving people for making us cry, depressed and vulnerable. For messing around our lives, and for saying things that should never be said. For hurting us, yet making us the Bad Man in question. Personally, I don’t think I ever do that, or I have the courage to go past such people. I resent. And a handful of hurtful experiences make us more prone to resentment, always ready and at go at the strike of three with the best of the weapons we have collected. I simply belong to this class of people. Simply put.

I doubt if a wife cheated on by her husband really forgives him and stays back, and never does the thought of being cheated on again dawn on her again. Or a friend whom you hurt once does not take guard on him should a situation alike to the one that might have prompted you to say or do something hurtful? For, if I have truly understood, forgiveness implies that the minutest of the feeling of an hurtful incident of a person has been wiped off your heart clean, and the only image that remains has no shadows whatsoever. Does that really happen?

National Hobby of Men : Taking a Leak Anywhere!!

If it’s a general notion that the favorite hobby of women is gossiping and talking, then I’d say that most of us will agree with what the favorite hobby of men is, though its not as publicized as the one of women; yet; over the years; I have come to believe that the National Hobby of the Men has to be, nothing less than; peeing on the roads, anywhere and everywhere. I can bet that atleast in India, there hasn’t been one of us who hasn’t seen this dismal sight; and if ‘us’ happens to be female as me, I am sure that this sight has rendered us lowering our heads, turning away, and perhaps a curling of the nose. But, do you think men seem to care?? No way!! Possibly, they love to show off their assets in public, (in which no one is interested by the way), and also like to display their weakness in character; leaving characterless imprints everywhere and anywhere.


If you think this national hobby is only grounded to villages and/or rural areas, then you are mistaken, for you will find many a educated bike and car riders who seem to park their vehicles on the roads with all lights on, and them excuse themselves to take a leak, an bemuse the public by looking back at the car, where their hands are busy. Beat that, they start driving with the same hands!!


Scientifically, maybe men have smaller bladders, or I presume it has got something to do with their “control power”, which anyways seems to be lacking in men. Not only this, ever wondered what nuisance this “peeing anywhere and everywhere I feel like” creates for others. If you are a woman, walking on the road peacefully, and you spot a man indulging in his favorite hobby; where it is written in bold huge letters that “Yahan Peshab Na Kare”, somehow, its you who gets offended, probably you will stop and cross the road to the other side, else you will walk in the middle of the road risking your life, or simply bow your head down covering your face as if you have been doing a shameless act. Why, I ask why should women be offended? They say that its women who provoke men for raping by wearing short clothes, and do they ever spare a though for this blatant men who love to showcase their sexual organs on streets as per their will? Should women not be instigated to rape them? Better still, shouldn’t they be allowed to stone these shameless men who have the right to bare themselves anywhere, while women are advised to cover properly? Are sexual instincts of men and women different? Can police do nothing about them? Or is police force is too man dominated to let go of what every man takes as his birthright?

These questions frequent my mind, and may I add I live in a posh area of the metro city of Bangalore. I have seen men raising their turtle necks over their cars and bikes, when they are busy emptying their bladders, making obscene comments on female passerby’s, and somehow smiling profoundly at their ability to pee anywhere. Wonder what kind of short clothes they accuse of creating sexual enticement when they display theirs uselessly on streets. Why can’t they be educated about this, and why do they not fee any shame? Is this gender a mistake of God??

Is any one hearing?? (Possibly a lot are peeing!!)

Just Friends - Ruining Friendships

Relationships are the truth of every individual, the basis of existence of human race. Relationships form us, shape us, and are in every way responsible of what and who we become, our behavioral aspects, psychological development and perhaps even our being. We have all had our fair share of heart breaks, heart boils, and even boundless joys. Personally, I am no exception; for I have been in and out of them, sometimes for my own release and at others because it just did not feel right. Every relationship has left an imprint of its own in my life, some are scars, yet others are ecstatic indentions. If we were to exclude the relationships that bind us by blood, I would say the most important outside relationship, and perhaps the first ones of our lives is friendship. Like in every other relationship, friendship too needs a connection to be built up, and the energies suggest you to trust, love and bind together.

Friendship is a beautiful feeling of togetherness, coupled with expectations and compounded interests. I have come to believe, that basically in life, we are lucky to have even 2 to 3 such people with whom we needn’t to pretend; for pretension is one of the deadliest threat to any relationship; the others probably being compromise, complaints, and perhaps possessiveness. Also, maybe its only our friends that we completely open to, acknowledging defeat and guilt, accept denial and wrong doings, admit of being the spoil sport in some one else’s life, share our deepest grief’s and sorrows,

Friendship is often a misguided and misused term that can be feigned to a lot of socially deniable, illegitimate and complex relationships. “Just Friends”; in my opinion is the most misused term when it comes to accept relationships. All of us, at varied points have time, have probably used or heard the “just friends” excuse, and we all know what it implies; real friends never use the just friends term. Off late, the proximity of physical closeness in the relationship men-women friendship has taken to new heights, however, questions are generally answered with a ‘just friends’ two word ending theory. Believe it or not, there are a lot of dirty tactics behind the veil of just friends.

Love, I believe seconds friendship, and there are boundaries in love. It is said that friendship lends the most solid foundation to any relation, though there are exceptions of the relations we have by birth. If I had to say, I wouldn’t even think twice before concluding that friendship is far above, far more than all other and any other relationship we do not bound into by birth.

So what defines friendship? Honesty, trust, love, care, respect, space – most of the pillars are prerequisites of all relationship. But what distinguishes friendship are the chords that are released when we do not pretend- we are free and we are we. The expectations levels are more or less meant, it can be put in the backseat as per priority, yet it remains the vital element of our existence.

Friends are generally the first people we turn to in times of despair. Perhaps, the rank isn’t so high when we are happy. This is indeed a strange relationship, by far the most important – yet misused terminally.

Looking Back and Smiling :)

I am not sure how many of us always take the correct decisions in life, and find them fulfilling our desires, atleast to the levels of our expectations. I, for one, have never been that blessed; I end up screwing myself over and over again, more often than not. Maybe that is the reason my life has ended up nowhere near my imagination, but yet so different and crazily unusual than the mundane ones people might be leading – with regrets, fears, and the constant stride to make their life perfect.

No, its not that I haven’t tried to make my life the way it should be – perfect in senses more than one; but let me admit, I have failed miserably in that. I have dumped relationships, screwed my career, been drunk, have had overnight crushes, jumped to conclusions, asked silly questions, shopped heavily on credit cards, been to vocal with my feelings when not required, and have been suspiciously silent when the need was to utter something. Believe me, there have been regrets, tears of pessimism, feeling of loneliness, a sad aura surrounding me for a great share of my life. I have faked relationships, having presented myself in the most pretentious way. I have tried to ignore questions that questioned my decisions. Yes, you name it and I have done it all.

But what did I get of all this? Nothing pretty much in cash and kind, but something that no one can ever take from me, nor pass it onto me. These are some lessons and experiences, some funny moments and great bindings , some nerve wrecking tiredness and disgusting comments, some encouragement and some exasperation's, reactions from people – friends, relatives, acquaintances and even on lookers. It may be sounding incredibly odd, but looking back at each stupid decision’s outcome, I have found myself to be a stronger, independent woman, with baggage; yes; yet having a thrilling time as my movie seems to have surprise for me every second day.

The road I tread is not smooth, but with puddles, muddles, speedbreakers, and lots and lots of pebbles; somehow it has turned to be my choice, and I feel responsible for taking it up from here as my own.

I got to trust myself, look back and smile, for no one knows how and why I did something, that was probably not right in the right sense of the word, but there could have nothing better than that for me.

Ahh,,,I smile again…

Something....You Can't Take Away From Me....

The smell of the earth,
The droplets trickling by,
The envelope of the clouds,
And the wet salwaar…


The dripping kajal,
The tightly draped duppatta,
The lost feeling of your arms around,
Ages ago awakened again…


Your presence in my life,
Has remained in the form of
Deep etched feelings….


Something,
You Can’t take away from me…

Time = Distance/Speed

I have an observation, possibly not only mine, and probably debated by many previously. Some incidents in my own life, and some in others on which I shared a close watch, I have concluded (copyrights reserved) that each person in every relationship has a to cover a specific distance, in a stipulated time and approximate steps, to render the relationship strength and faith. Somehow, I have seen people jumping into relationships of all sorts, from being friends, to the more obvious lovers, and they tend to cover all aspects of the relationship in question in really really short times. Though an onlooker finds it stunning and in case he happens to ask perplexedly a question about the increasing proximity, he is often dubbed as ‘taboo’ or over suspicious. For, in my group of friends, I have seen relationships build up from a cup of coffee shared at work, to being a oft-regular-visitor in the homes. Well, may I add here that all relationships need not necessarily have a physical aspect to it, however, most of them do. I guess it is the excitement of being with someone initially, for as we all are, in these huge cities, single, with our families based away, and friends (refer to close and real friends) scattered in tits and bits elsewhere; and a little hint of a close person in someone else makes us open our doors more than necessary to that person. And soon enough, we realize that it is difficult to carry on. Not in terms of people involved, but the aspect that starts bothering is the behavior, the ‘ohhs’, and ‘aahs’, the ‘umms’ and ‘mmms’ that we find so intriguing earlier start taking their toll on us, and we grow to wonder what was there to like in these in the first place. I heard a friend point out one, that even after a love marriage, it is actually the love that flies out of the window first, followed by the sex, thus rendering the marriage nothing more than an agreement on general behavior, duties and some degree of social obligations. I have come to believe in this fact, no matter how much the degree of involvement, after a certain time, we cease to see the “G-Spots” in every relation and all we wish to figure out is “How did I get myself into this mess?” I have made quite a few friends in this city, most of them single, and in open relationships. Some of them are young, just 2 years out of college etc. I have found out startling differences in the views, and the commitment levels in each of my friends, not that I have been a perfect example; however, people are more open to “passing affairs”, and more recently, “best friends but not dating” kind of relationships". They share everything, daily tit bits, food, drinks, even beds, yet snap at the question of being together as in “ a boyfriend girlfriend thingy”. I find this amusing. For I often question myself, if best friends start sharing beds, what would be left to lovers? Yes, I am a small town girl, maybe with some orthodox views et all, one may say; mind you, I actually have no qualms over agreeing on the same. I reserve my shelves for my friends, and other ones for people I may love/lust or have a small crush on. I do not intermix or confuse my fantasies with realities that stare hard at my face, I hope to be steering in the right path. I have not suffered tears because someone mis-understood my concern for love, or vice-versa, and I am happy about it. A friend who’d been through a little "whos-who" riddle all by herself, was crying her heart out over what she thought “people thought about her, and what people really thought about her – (as divulged by someone)”, and no offense intended, I couldn’t restrain myself from stating that she’d been fool enough to be so close to someone as a friend , where many would not shed those inhibitions even during a heterosexual relationship. Yes, I was termed as dumb, friends are friends, you don’t need to think how – where - when and what – when with friends. I couldn’t agree less – specially in friendships concerning boys and girls, past teenage or so. I wonder sometimes, is it the world that is ushering past me at a rocketing age, or have I missed a lot while growing up??