Looking Back and Smiling :)

I am not sure how many of us always take the correct decisions in life, and find them fulfilling our desires, atleast to the levels of our expectations. I, for one, have never been that blessed; I end up screwing myself over and over again, more often than not. Maybe that is the reason my life has ended up nowhere near my imagination, but yet so different and crazily unusual than the mundane ones people might be leading – with regrets, fears, and the constant stride to make their life perfect.

No, its not that I haven’t tried to make my life the way it should be – perfect in senses more than one; but let me admit, I have failed miserably in that. I have dumped relationships, screwed my career, been drunk, have had overnight crushes, jumped to conclusions, asked silly questions, shopped heavily on credit cards, been to vocal with my feelings when not required, and have been suspiciously silent when the need was to utter something. Believe me, there have been regrets, tears of pessimism, feeling of loneliness, a sad aura surrounding me for a great share of my life. I have faked relationships, having presented myself in the most pretentious way. I have tried to ignore questions that questioned my decisions. Yes, you name it and I have done it all.

But what did I get of all this? Nothing pretty much in cash and kind, but something that no one can ever take from me, nor pass it onto me. These are some lessons and experiences, some funny moments and great bindings , some nerve wrecking tiredness and disgusting comments, some encouragement and some exasperation's, reactions from people – friends, relatives, acquaintances and even on lookers. It may be sounding incredibly odd, but looking back at each stupid decision’s outcome, I have found myself to be a stronger, independent woman, with baggage; yes; yet having a thrilling time as my movie seems to have surprise for me every second day.

The road I tread is not smooth, but with puddles, muddles, speedbreakers, and lots and lots of pebbles; somehow it has turned to be my choice, and I feel responsible for taking it up from here as my own.

I got to trust myself, look back and smile, for no one knows how and why I did something, that was probably not right in the right sense of the word, but there could have nothing better than that for me.

Ahh,,,I smile again…