Just Friends - Ruining Friendships

Relationships are the truth of every individual, the basis of existence of human race. Relationships form us, shape us, and are in every way responsible of what and who we become, our behavioral aspects, psychological development and perhaps even our being. We have all had our fair share of heart breaks, heart boils, and even boundless joys. Personally, I am no exception; for I have been in and out of them, sometimes for my own release and at others because it just did not feel right. Every relationship has left an imprint of its own in my life, some are scars, yet others are ecstatic indentions. If we were to exclude the relationships that bind us by blood, I would say the most important outside relationship, and perhaps the first ones of our lives is friendship. Like in every other relationship, friendship too needs a connection to be built up, and the energies suggest you to trust, love and bind together.

Friendship is a beautiful feeling of togetherness, coupled with expectations and compounded interests. I have come to believe, that basically in life, we are lucky to have even 2 to 3 such people with whom we needn’t to pretend; for pretension is one of the deadliest threat to any relationship; the others probably being compromise, complaints, and perhaps possessiveness. Also, maybe its only our friends that we completely open to, acknowledging defeat and guilt, accept denial and wrong doings, admit of being the spoil sport in some one else’s life, share our deepest grief’s and sorrows,

Friendship is often a misguided and misused term that can be feigned to a lot of socially deniable, illegitimate and complex relationships. “Just Friends”; in my opinion is the most misused term when it comes to accept relationships. All of us, at varied points have time, have probably used or heard the “just friends” excuse, and we all know what it implies; real friends never use the just friends term. Off late, the proximity of physical closeness in the relationship men-women friendship has taken to new heights, however, questions are generally answered with a ‘just friends’ two word ending theory. Believe it or not, there are a lot of dirty tactics behind the veil of just friends.

Love, I believe seconds friendship, and there are boundaries in love. It is said that friendship lends the most solid foundation to any relation, though there are exceptions of the relations we have by birth. If I had to say, I wouldn’t even think twice before concluding that friendship is far above, far more than all other and any other relationship we do not bound into by birth.

So what defines friendship? Honesty, trust, love, care, respect, space – most of the pillars are prerequisites of all relationship. But what distinguishes friendship are the chords that are released when we do not pretend- we are free and we are we. The expectations levels are more or less meant, it can be put in the backseat as per priority, yet it remains the vital element of our existence.

Friends are generally the first people we turn to in times of despair. Perhaps, the rank isn’t so high when we are happy. This is indeed a strange relationship, by far the most important – yet misused terminally.

Looking Back and Smiling :)

I am not sure how many of us always take the correct decisions in life, and find them fulfilling our desires, atleast to the levels of our expectations. I, for one, have never been that blessed; I end up screwing myself over and over again, more often than not. Maybe that is the reason my life has ended up nowhere near my imagination, but yet so different and crazily unusual than the mundane ones people might be leading – with regrets, fears, and the constant stride to make their life perfect.

No, its not that I haven’t tried to make my life the way it should be – perfect in senses more than one; but let me admit, I have failed miserably in that. I have dumped relationships, screwed my career, been drunk, have had overnight crushes, jumped to conclusions, asked silly questions, shopped heavily on credit cards, been to vocal with my feelings when not required, and have been suspiciously silent when the need was to utter something. Believe me, there have been regrets, tears of pessimism, feeling of loneliness, a sad aura surrounding me for a great share of my life. I have faked relationships, having presented myself in the most pretentious way. I have tried to ignore questions that questioned my decisions. Yes, you name it and I have done it all.

But what did I get of all this? Nothing pretty much in cash and kind, but something that no one can ever take from me, nor pass it onto me. These are some lessons and experiences, some funny moments and great bindings , some nerve wrecking tiredness and disgusting comments, some encouragement and some exasperation's, reactions from people – friends, relatives, acquaintances and even on lookers. It may be sounding incredibly odd, but looking back at each stupid decision’s outcome, I have found myself to be a stronger, independent woman, with baggage; yes; yet having a thrilling time as my movie seems to have surprise for me every second day.

The road I tread is not smooth, but with puddles, muddles, speedbreakers, and lots and lots of pebbles; somehow it has turned to be my choice, and I feel responsible for taking it up from here as my own.

I got to trust myself, look back and smile, for no one knows how and why I did something, that was probably not right in the right sense of the word, but there could have nothing better than that for me.

Ahh,,,I smile again…

Something....You Can't Take Away From Me....

The smell of the earth,
The droplets trickling by,
The envelope of the clouds,
And the wet salwaar…


The dripping kajal,
The tightly draped duppatta,
The lost feeling of your arms around,
Ages ago awakened again…


Your presence in my life,
Has remained in the form of
Deep etched feelings….


Something,
You Can’t take away from me…

Time = Distance/Speed

I have an observation, possibly not only mine, and probably debated by many previously. Some incidents in my own life, and some in others on which I shared a close watch, I have concluded (copyrights reserved) that each person in every relationship has a to cover a specific distance, in a stipulated time and approximate steps, to render the relationship strength and faith. Somehow, I have seen people jumping into relationships of all sorts, from being friends, to the more obvious lovers, and they tend to cover all aspects of the relationship in question in really really short times. Though an onlooker finds it stunning and in case he happens to ask perplexedly a question about the increasing proximity, he is often dubbed as ‘taboo’ or over suspicious. For, in my group of friends, I have seen relationships build up from a cup of coffee shared at work, to being a oft-regular-visitor in the homes. Well, may I add here that all relationships need not necessarily have a physical aspect to it, however, most of them do. I guess it is the excitement of being with someone initially, for as we all are, in these huge cities, single, with our families based away, and friends (refer to close and real friends) scattered in tits and bits elsewhere; and a little hint of a close person in someone else makes us open our doors more than necessary to that person. And soon enough, we realize that it is difficult to carry on. Not in terms of people involved, but the aspect that starts bothering is the behavior, the ‘ohhs’, and ‘aahs’, the ‘umms’ and ‘mmms’ that we find so intriguing earlier start taking their toll on us, and we grow to wonder what was there to like in these in the first place. I heard a friend point out one, that even after a love marriage, it is actually the love that flies out of the window first, followed by the sex, thus rendering the marriage nothing more than an agreement on general behavior, duties and some degree of social obligations. I have come to believe in this fact, no matter how much the degree of involvement, after a certain time, we cease to see the “G-Spots” in every relation and all we wish to figure out is “How did I get myself into this mess?” I have made quite a few friends in this city, most of them single, and in open relationships. Some of them are young, just 2 years out of college etc. I have found out startling differences in the views, and the commitment levels in each of my friends, not that I have been a perfect example; however, people are more open to “passing affairs”, and more recently, “best friends but not dating” kind of relationships". They share everything, daily tit bits, food, drinks, even beds, yet snap at the question of being together as in “ a boyfriend girlfriend thingy”. I find this amusing. For I often question myself, if best friends start sharing beds, what would be left to lovers? Yes, I am a small town girl, maybe with some orthodox views et all, one may say; mind you, I actually have no qualms over agreeing on the same. I reserve my shelves for my friends, and other ones for people I may love/lust or have a small crush on. I do not intermix or confuse my fantasies with realities that stare hard at my face, I hope to be steering in the right path. I have not suffered tears because someone mis-understood my concern for love, or vice-versa, and I am happy about it. A friend who’d been through a little "whos-who" riddle all by herself, was crying her heart out over what she thought “people thought about her, and what people really thought about her – (as divulged by someone)”, and no offense intended, I couldn’t restrain myself from stating that she’d been fool enough to be so close to someone as a friend , where many would not shed those inhibitions even during a heterosexual relationship. Yes, I was termed as dumb, friends are friends, you don’t need to think how – where - when and what – when with friends. I couldn’t agree less – specially in friendships concerning boys and girls, past teenage or so. I wonder sometimes, is it the world that is ushering past me at a rocketing age, or have I missed a lot while growing up??

Ahoy Bengaluru!!

The city of Bangalore. It is close to an year since I landed here, my first tete a tete in the South of this proximity, and this long. I came here to find some answers for myself, but the depth was I came here to find myself. As it is, I am a victim of my own ambitions, and my life seems to have taken my victimization theory too seriously. But this post, and the ones that will (hopefully) follow, will be based on my rendezvous with the new city, people, culture and the varied new experiences, teachings, and jokes that have made this one year pass by, not that it was all lined with roses, but yes, a few petals did come my way. It was on the insistence of one person, and some of my own persuasion that the next city to give me a handful of tears and joys was chosen to be Bangalore. I did not know many people, neither do I now, but a few have touched my life in such a way that the imprints of them being in my life is going to stay forever